Ex-Homeless pt.1
The next day, I headed back to the adventurer's guild.
I walked through the Western movie style wooden double doors, and headed
straight to the counter. Once again, the same buff bald guy was there.
(It's kind of scary how he works energetically every day like that.)
"Oh, I was waiting for you."
"Hello, sorry to keep you waiting."
"You don't need to apologize for everything, it's annoying, ya know."
"Oh, sorry."
"...whatever, anyway, here's the payment."
He
put a leather bag on the counter, and a metallic "charin" sound came from
inside it.
"With the payment for the original request, the
compensation for the bad information, and the reward for a high orc
subjugation, the total is 16 gold. By the way, most of that is the reward
for the high orc, which is 10 gold. The original request was one gold, and
the compensation is 5 gold. The rule for the compensation is that it's half
the reward for the subjugation, you see."
"...the high orcs are worth
a lot."
"Pretty much. Normally a party would follow and surround one.
That would be a rank B party, and the payment would be 1 or 2 gold per
person. They rarely appear near human settlements, so it takes time to get
to them. With the necessary expenses, that's about how much it costs to get
rid of one."
"I see."
"Getting there and back is usually a
10-day trip for a 5-member party. Out of the 2 gold per person, they'll need
to spend 50 silver to 1 gold on supplies. If you add in the time to find it,
it takes about half a month for one job. Whether 1 gold in half a month for
that kind of work is a lot of money or too little, that depends on the
person."
"It sounds like rank B parties can make a lot of money."
"Yeah, because there aren't many of them. There are only 10-some rank B
people around here. Rank C is a lot more common, but going up from there
isn't ordinary no matter where you go."
"I see."
(That's what,
$25,000 that rank B adventurers can make in a month? I can see why it's an
attractive occupation. But yesterday I saw all too well that risking your
life to make a living is no joke. Surviving until retirement would be tough.
I don't want to deal with something like that again. That high orc's fist
was haunting my dreams last night.)
"A good hide from the high orc
would have been worth a bit more, though. They have magic resistance, so
they're worth a good bit of money. A perfect one would be worth about 20
gold, but it's hard to defeat a high orc without damaging its hide. It's
hard to get the hide off a dead one, too."
"I see, thank you very
much for telling me about that."
"You, can you do something about the
way you talk? I feel like yer making fun of me here. And I still can't
believe you brought down a high orc by yourself."
"No, um, that's
because you have a scary face..."
"...yeah?"
(Shit, I can't
help it! I should try to talk more like the other adventurers. Or at least
get used to this guy's face.)
"Ah, whatever, just hurry up and count
it."
"OK."
(So this is gold? I think this is the first time
I've handled solid gold. It really is heavy.)
I started thinking
about how much those coins were worth.
"I've confirmed the amount."
"Take it with ya, then. Don't get taken by some scam artist."
"Right. Thank you very much."
"Also, from today on you're rank D.
Don't forget that."
"I went up two ranks?"
"That's because
there was a high orc. If this was just a fluke, your rank will fall if you
fail a request, so don't worry about that. By the way, if you fail 5
requests in a row, you get permanently expelled."
"OK, I understand.
Thank you."
"Bye then."
◇◆◇
(Now what do I do?)
I was worried about having so much cash on me. After thinking about it,
I headed towards a place handling real estate. Being a typical Japanese
person, with a large amount of money on hand, I started thinking about
homes.
(I'd like to go to a Soapland too, but I can do that after
getting a house.)
For some years, I'd barely been able to afford
rent. Actually owning a home was some kind of legend.
Using my Google
Maps substitute called "asking a random little girl" I located a real estate
office, and a few minutes later I arrived. I entered the building, with a
bell ringing as I opened the door.
"Excuse me, I'm looking to
purchase a house..."
"Ah, welcome."
The employee there was a
human, a European man about my age. He had short light-brown hair, and he
was tall, about 190 cm, which made me jealous.
"I'm looking for a
single-unit house, something around 15 gold."
"15 gold, you say?
Well, that's tough..."
"Is that so..."
(The town is surrounded
by tall walls, so the area available for houses is limited. Maybe that makes
for high prices? But I was hoping to have my own house, and a big dog...)
"Ah, hold on. There is one house that might work."
"Really?"
"The floor plan is a bit unusual, does that bother you?"
"No,
that's fine."
(Lucky!)
I jumped at the opportunity.
◇◆◇
I was led to a detached building on the corner of a busy
street, and we went inside.
"That's a big dirt floor, huh."
Weird items were tightly packed along the walls of a large open floor. There
were Fresco-style glass bottles, wooden stands, and metal lockers.
(What the heck...)
The total floor area was around 100 square meters.
On one side of the dirt floor, there was a long counter like I'd seen in the
shops I'd visited.
"Ah, everything here comes with the place. Until
the year before last, an alchemist was living here. The 1st floor was a shop
and atelier, and there's living space on the 2nd and 3rd floors. It's a
well-made building."
"I see. By the way, how much would a typical
house normally be in this town? Everyone I've asked seems to tell me
something a little different."
"Let's see. For a detached house, even
if it's small or in bad shape you'd need at least 20 gold. And by the way,
in this area here, a house would normally be 50 to 100 gold."
"Eh?
Then this place..."
"Well, it has what you might call an interesting
history. The last owner sold it two days after they bought it."
"Seriously?"
(Is it like those houses where somebody committed
suicide and nobody wants to buy them?)
"What was their reason for
selling it?"
"...ghosts, they said."
"Eh? Ghosts?"
"The
ghost of that alchemist, supposedly."
"Ahh...was it a suicide?"
"I heard it was a natural death."
"Hah..."
"They died
suddenly, and some relative wanted to sell it in a few days, so we got a
good price on it. At the time, it seemed like an easy profit. Well, if that
kind of thing bothers you, you'd be better off not buying this one."
"I see."
(Getting a cheap house in Japan because of something like
that is like finding buried treasure. This is some good luck. If a ghost
actually appears, I'd just be happy to have some company. Not being homeless
is far more important than that sort of thing.)
"How much is it?"
"16 gold."
"I understand. I'll buy it."
(That's perfect
for me, I have just enough. The money from the herbs that goblin collected
should be enough to live on until I can earn some more money. But now I
can't go to Soapland.)
"People always say that at first."
"No,
I'm not bothered by that sort of thing."
"People always say that at
first. But let's head back to the office and draw up a contract."
"OK."
And so, I bought a house much faster than I'd expected.
(A house! My own address!)
I was very happy.
◇◆◇
The paperwork for the purchase was finished quickly.
I carried my
few belongings from my room at the inn over to my new home, and I was done
moving in under an hour.
(From today on, I'm the owner of my own
castle.)
It was a dream that hadn't come true before I died.
(Now, I just need to get a big dog.)
(A golden retriever would be
good. A golden retriever...)
I'd bought a 3-storey stone building
with the ground level having a dirt floor and 80% of the space behind a long
counter. It had been the atelier of an alchemist.
(It's good that the
situation was easy to understand for someone who didn't grow up here. So
far, everything's followed the rules of fantasy settings.)
The ground
floor made me think of a small pharmacy, with just enough space in front for
people to buy things.
(But the products were made with a
fantasy-style process.)
The floor size of the 2nd and 3rd floors was
the same as the 1st floor, about 100 square meters each. It was more than
enough for one person. The second floor had a restroom with a bath and
toilet, a dining room/kitchen, and a living room or reception room. On the
third floor, there were two bedrooms.
All the rooms still had
furniture in them, so the house was already livable. There was dust, but not
too much.
(It's splendid, isn't it?)
My heart was jumping with
excitement. I started feeling tempted to try some alchemy the next day.
(First, I need to buy whatever I need to live here.)
As I headed
out, I remembered when I first started living alone and bought lots of stuff
at a 100-yen shop, most of which turned out to be unnecessary.
◇◆◇
It was shortly before noon when I finished buying supplies.
I got lunch at a restaurant that was too mediocre to leave much
impression when I was focused on something else.
After I returned, I
spent several hours cleaning. According to the real estate agent, the
previous buyers leaving in a hurry tended to leave some cleaning that needed
to be done.
The sun was just starting to set when I'd finished
cleaning and organizing my stuff.
(A fantasy house. An atelier. It
looks great. I made a good decision buying this.)
The cleaning and
moving was the most exercise I'd gotten in a while, so I was getting hungry.
(...I'll go get some dinner, then.)
I decided to go back to that
tavern with the hot waitress.
◇◆◇
She was working
there again that night. Her figure with an apron, plus the bouncing and
swaying as she hurried back and forth, was a satisfactory amount of
sexiness.
"Sophia-chan, another one for me too!"
"Right!"
(Ahh, she's cute.)
The shaking of her blonde ponytail was another
charm point.
"Ahh, I can't get enough."
Because of her, I kept
ordering more drinks.
(Alcohol is humanity's friend. How could I
abandon a friend?)
The food was decent, too.
Sophia
energetically answered each customer's call, but it was so loud that I had
to strain my ears to hear her cute voice.
(This was a good day. I'll
be able to sleep happily tonight.)
As I was sipping my drink and
happily not thinking about anything at all, I heard someone shouting behind
me, and the tavern grew quiet. I turned around, still smiling slightly.
"Didn't you hear what I said?!"
"No, um, but that's..."
Sophie was facing a man dressed extravagantly, with a bright cloak on his
back. His shouting echoed in the tavern.
(Oh. A noble, right?)
He was a good-looking man for his age, with a short hair and a large
handlebar mustache, both blond.
"Just because you're pretty, don't
think you're special!"
"I, I'm very sorry..."
Sophia-chan
looked panicked, and bowed to the noble. Her long high ponytail flipped over
and hit him in the face.
"Gah! My eyes!"
"I, I, I'm so sorry!"
(Ponytail Attack, critical hit.)
Some of the customers watching
laughed unintentionally. Thanks to that, he was getting even angrier.
"You bitch! Maybe I need to take you into custody at my mansion!"
"I'm so sorry! Please forgive me!"
"Someone needs to teach you a
lesson about what happens when you insult a noble!"
"That's..."
Her face was completely white.
(This is bad. When a noble finds
fault with a town girl, in the next chapter he's fucking her. If she gets
carried off by some aristocrat, it will be good-bye to her boobs and ass for
all of us commoners. Bad End.)
He grabbed Sophia's arm.
(Oh,
there it is.)
Everyone in the tavern was watching.
(A noble is
the same kind of absolute existence to commoners that a division chief is to
ordinary employees, right?)
I remembered once hearing something like,
"If you don't want your wife and kids to end up homeless, you'll listen to
what I say." Several times, I'd wished I could punch that division chief
from my company in the face.
(Ah, rather than a punch, now it would
have to be a fireball.)
"Hey, hey, wait a minute."
I got up
from my seat, and walked towards the dandy noble.
"You're being too
hard on her, how about you stop?"
(Ah, I'm so cool. I'm a hero of
justice! That coercive yet kind phrasing was perfect, too.)
"I don't
know if you're a noble or what, grabbing a woman like that is something that
even those orcs could do. Are nobles a bunch of barbarians worse than orcs,
huh?"
"What, you, you bastard!"
He drew a sword. Apparently
his pride was high.
"Let go of her, and try using your words if you
want to invite her somewhere. If you don't know human language, I might be
generous enough to teach you. Your legs seem to work, so you could probably
manage."
"You, who the hell do you think I am?"
"I. Don't.
Care."
(The mood of the other people here seems weird. Eh, don't
worry about it.)
The noble's face was redder with anger than if he
was drunk.
"If you continue, my Super Fireball will burn your bones
until only ash remains. But I'm kind, so the explosion will kill you before
you can realize you're dead."
"Pa-chin."
For the sake of
appearances, I snapped my fingers. At the same time, balls of flame appeared
around the man, each about the size of a volleyball.
They spewed
puffs of flame, and I could feel the air temperature rising. One of the
puffs of flame burnt a little bit of the noble's hair.
"Killing you
would be easier than finishing my drink. If I snap my fingers again, your
existence will completely disappear from the world."
I couldn't help
smiling at how cool I was. Meanwhile, a magic formation had appeared at my
feet at some point.
(Ah yes, the special effects are important too!)
"If you want to challenge the Noble Magician Fouren, then go ahead and
try! You think I'll be defeated by 10 or 20 fireballs? Fool!"
He
started glowing slightly.
(Magic nobles? I didn't know about that.)
"Then say your prayers. Sayonara."
I snapped my fingers again.
I almost shot them like I had with the orcs, but at the last moment I
remembered that the explosion from that would probably destroy the tavern.
Instead, one of the fireballs lightly touched his back.
"Gyaaa?! AAAAAAAaaaaAAaaaa!!"
He screamed, jumped forwards, and fell on
his face. Then he started convulsing and foaming at the mouth.
His
back was pitch-black, and part of it was missing. There was a strong smell
like meat left on a grill until it burned.
"...seriously?!"
(Oh shit, I should have held back here!)
Sophia-chan started
screaming.
(It's going to be bad for me if this guy dies! I just
bought a house, I can't leave!)
In a panic, I started using my
recovery magic.
"HEALIIIIING!"
As I shouted, a magic formation
appeared under the fallen noble.
His flesh and bones gradually
appeared, and then his skin.
(There's still a hole in his clothes,
but expecting clothes to get fixed would be unreasonable. Eh, don't worry
about that, he's rich, he can get new clothes.)
"Ooohhhh, amazing,
he's healing!"
"No way, those kinds of wounds..."
"I thought he was
dead!"
"What kind of level is that?!"
"That's how it looks inside a
person??"
"We should get out of here."
"Wow, amazing!"
The rest
of the customers were watching as he was healed.
Finally, his
consciousness returned.
".....????"
He jumped to his feet in a
panic. Feeling his back with his hand, he became increasingly confused as he
realized his wound was gone.
His lips shaking, he shouted
uncertainly, "Y-y-you bastard, I, I'll remember this?!"
He started
running off before he'd finished shouting. He looked like he'd seen a ghost.
His face reminded me of a college student that had tried growing weed out of
curiosity and got reported to the police the next day.
Nobody there
spoke.
(I beat off the bad guy and saved the girl! What could be
better than that?)
It was the first time in my life that I'd
completely rejected someone like that. It felt good.
"Hah, too weak."
I sat back down at my seat, and then I finished my drink, which helped
with how my throat had gotten sore from that.
I was feeling good.
(Now if Sophia-chan just comes to say thanks, I won't need anything
else. Ah, come on over, I'm waiting.)
My heart was thumping with the
suspense as I waited for her.
Instead, it was a middle-aged man I
didn't know who came over to me.
"Sir, I, I'm sorry, but we're
closing now today..."
"Eh?"
(Hey, nobody asked for you.)
"Could you go ahead and pay the bill?"
"No, um, I wanted to stay
a little longer."
"We really appreciate you saving our girl, but we
need to prepare for tomorrow, so please, please, just leave."
Looking
around, the rest of the customers were leaving in a hurry.
(They
really are closing up.)
"Um, I, I understand."
(What the hell?
Damn it. I wanted a hug from Sophia-chan.)
"Well, I'll be going,
then."
"Thank you very much."
I dropped a silver coin on the
counter for payment, and left.
◇◆◇
(I didn't get to
touch Sophia-chan. But still, I have a house! An excellent, amazing, sturdy
house.)
I returned home from the tavern, and lying down on my fluffy
bed was bliss. I was pleasantly drunk, and the room seemed to be swaying a
little bit. It was kind of fun.
(Acting without worrying about the
consequences is exhilarating! So much stress had built up over the years and
years of holding back and fitting into society.)
"Ahhh, it's good,
this..."
I stared at the unfamiliar ceiling and muttered to myself.
That's when the attack came.
"Get ooouuuut."
A voice came
from somewhere.
At the same time, an icicle appeared over my head,
and shot down, piercing the pillow beside my head. The icicle was about 30
cm long, and drill-shaped. While that happened, my sheets suddenly became
ice-cold.
(If that hit me in the face, I definitely would have died!)
"Guh, seriously?!"
(Is this the revenge of that magic noble?)
I got up in the bed. In front of me, a transparent human was floating in
the center of the room.
"Get oooouut."
More icicles appeared,
floating around it.
"I won't lose to you!"
In a panic, I
summoned fireballs around me, two fireballs for each icicle.
"Hey,
wait!"
The ghost seemed to be panicking.
"You'll burn the
house! Don't use fire here!"
"That's true!"
(This is my home!
A fire here is no joke!)
I started putting out the fireballs.
"You, are you an idiot?! You burned the wall there, didn't you? What have
you done?!"
"Nooo, my house! It's burnt!"
Indeed, part of a
wall was blackened from a nearby fireball.
"It's my house! Not
yours!"
"It's mine! My home! I bought it!"
(What is this
thing? Is it an actual ghost?)
It looked like a human girl, about 140
cm tall and 13 years old, with golden hair and blue eyes. But it was
transparent enough to see the wall behind it. It also had pointed ears, like
an elf. It had pale skin and was wearing a grey robe, and was pointing some
sort of cane at me.
"Who are you, barging into someone's house like
this?"
"I'm the owner! You're the one who's barging into someone's
house."
"No, that's wrong. I did all the paperwork and legally bought
this house. If you're going to try and claim it with force, then I'll fight
you with all my strength."
"...bring it on. Let's fight to the
death."
"Fine by me."
(As a Japanese person, my house is of
absolute importance! As a Japanese man, a house has been my goal since I was
born! Getting in my way now is unforgivable!)
"Then you can die!"
(I need something other than fire magic! Skill window, come on!)
passive:
magic recovery: Lv.Max
magic efficiency: Lv.Max
language skill: Lv.1
active:
recovery magic: Lv.Max
fire magic: Lv.3
remaining skill points: 5
My level had gone up from defeating the orcs, and I hadn't used the skill
points yet.
(Something to destroy the enemy of my home is a worthy
use of these!)
I mentally recited the muryoujukyou sutra, while the
ghost summoned more and more icicles.
(There!)
passive:
magic recovery:
Lv.Max
magic efficiency: Lv.Max
language skill: Lv.1
active:
recovery magic:
Lv.Max
fire magic: Lv.3
purification magic: Lv.5
remaining skill points: 0
(Perfect!)
"Get out of my HOUUUUUSE!"
(This is my house. I
live here.)
(Everything else is unnecessary.)
(Erase everything.)
"Guh?!"
A magic formation the size of the entire house appeared
over the floor.
She started to say something, but that turned into a
groan and she grabbed her head with her hands in pain. At the same time, the
icicles went "pa-kin pa-kin" as they shattered into tiny fragments that
disappeared.
"Gah, serioushly? I'm disappearing! Auuuu!"
"Then
GET OUT! This is MY HOUSE!"
She flew outside through a solid glass
window.
"Haaaa, good riddance."
I collapsed onto the bed and
fell asleep, with the room spinning as I closed my eyes.
video: Tanaka the Drunk Onmyouji